Three months chaste. What next?

It’s approaching midnight on 31 March 2024. Last time I came was New Year’s Eve 2023. For the backstory read my last post – where young Dom, J was challenging me to go for the whole of 2024 without cumming. My response to him was to go for three months in the first instance, and then see.

Well, three months done. What will I decide tomorrow? To go for the rest of the year cum free? Maybe another two months – which would take me beyond my all time record of over 120 days, as the slave of Master CML? Maybe three months – on the assumption I’ll go through the year reviewing the commitment every quarter? I don’t know.

But maybe my cock does, semi-erect and oozing as I contemplate these choices. Stay like this, O, it tells me. Keep me locked, and I’ll work for you in a different way – a permanently charged power point, pulling all the other pleasure points of your body together into an unceasing circuit of desire; you and me; we’ll be all sex.

What’s it to be, O?

Chastity: superpower!

Over much of the Autumn I seemed to be in sexual overdrive. I had some fun encounters – most online, but also a few in-person. No surprise that this went hand-in-hand with a long stretch in chastity (which inevitably gets a boy all horned up) – sometimes locked, sometimes just denying myself.

During this time I was aided and abetted by a young online Dom, J. He first fetched up on Grindr in September, when I’d already gone a week or two without cumming. Although he’s young, he definitely gets chastity. ‘I love it’, he told me, ‘when a guy goes from “please let me cum”, to “please keep me caged”.

Well, there’s Locktober, I suggested.

Why stop there, he replied. Where’s the fun in just one month? You’re not going to cum in November either.

And when November got to December, he wanted to keep going. Over the previous couple of months we’d had some hot sessions on cam, where he took me through my paces with some really tough nip torture and impact play. So why stop? But actually, I’d kinda reached a limit, and we began talking about an alternative, cum-crazed December, prior to another lockdown in the New Year.

In the end, I lost it through a breach of discipline – of all things, cumming prematurely while putting on a condom in a sauna encounter (well, it had been a long time: 80 days in fact). So for the rest of December, I’ve taken a break from J’s dom-ship and reverted to free-submissive mode.

Over those 80 chaste days between September and November, I learnt – more successfully than ever before – to re-program my body, and I guess also my brain (maybe I’ll write another post about this). Horned up and full of sex, I began to feel my chastity as a kind of a super-power!

What goes with that superpower is also a kind of madness. When denied orgasm, I become a different kind of guy: totally sexual, definitely knowing what I want, and looking for it (sometimes getting it). Don’t give way, I heard myself saying time and again in the tough moments of those 80 days. See where it takes you.

In the end I did of course give way, but learnt something from the process. And now New Year is approaching. What if …, I’ve been thinking: what if I were to try and go the whole of 2024 cum denied? A crazy idea, really. And yet …

Strangely enough (or maybe not), J checked back in with me just after Christmas. He seemed to have the same idea:

I still quail about the whole thing. But discussions are under way!

Dirty boy (Tales of Sub-O, No. 53)

Sub-O’s been at it for nearly an hour now. Rodding his arse with his prize 8-inch dildo, massaging his prostate with a fulsome butt plug that nicely hits the G-spot, teasing his nips and moaning with it all, watching the cum slowly ooze out of his locked cock. Three weeks in chastity, not sure how many more. But this is good, hot, a kind of release, but no release. A kind of plateau. Still horned up, and up for more – up for serving if the moment came (if only).

Enough for now? He’s already asked the question a couple of times, and decided No: more. But now he thinks, yeah, enough – for now. The day’s getting on. But stay subby, slutty – yeah, dirty. Dirty! No shower. Keep your body like this, raunchy and sexy. Plug yourself (use the big one that stays in!). Keep on your cock cage; keeping oozing from it. Spit on your nips, rub it in. Put yesterday’s clothes back on. And so to work. (You can be a good clean boy tomorrow.)

What goes around … (slave metamorphosis)

Over the years, I’ve come to realise that my slave-being is profoudly cyclic. Looking back at a post I wrote nearly a year ago, I see myself right now going through the same transformation from orgasmic sub-slut to orgasm-denying slave. Now, as then, this seems to be the result of a seasonal pattern, where, over the Christmas and New Year holiday period I end up not cumming for a week or more. As I’ve learnt so many times, that’s just how long it takes for my body chemistry to get backed up with testosterone. All horned up, I just want to stay that way, and actively crave being cum denied. Hey presto, I’m back into slave mode!

A random look further back through this blog shows this can happen at any time of the year, for example, as described here. Sadly I have no former master around to re-enslave me at the moment. But chatting online with a Dom I sometimes do ad hoc sessions with, he offered to support me in my wish to go for a month in chastity. Check in with me every day at 10 am, he said, to confirm you haven’t cum. Which I do. Today’s day 13, if you want to know. It’s also the first time I’ll have been home alone for nearly a fortnight. So I anticipate an intense auto-erotic session, cock locked, but with all other available means of stimulation applied.

My ultimately fantasy when I’m in this state, is that of Sub-O in the story I wrote around this time last year. My body, like his in the story, just throbs with the desire to be slave, and to stay that way. It’s like a metamorphosis from being a regular human being into something else, some other avatar of myself. I know I’m unlikely to stay there. Being this way is just too much without the Master that O has in the story, and that’s not going to happen for me, unless I were to leave my non-kinky partner, who I love. But for a while I’ll relish inhabiting my slave avatar.

What goes around … (slave metamorphosis)

What dominance really means

I found this on one of my favourite blogs, and it makes a lot of sense to me. The absence of this understanding is exactly what made / what’s making me hesitate in hooking up with M, who I’ve posted about a few times on here.

https://www.tumbex.com/dchardhatguy.tumblr/post/158869804293/what-it-is-to-be-a-master-what-a-submissive

Coming to reality

So. I came. After 10 weeks chaste I came.

This was just a week ago, during a long-postponed session with L, a very CBT-focused Dom. It was my third meet with him: even though CBT’s not really my thing, I was for some reason back for more. My limits certainly got pushed a bit further, but, sooner than I expected, we had moved into vanilla mode. I patiently sucked L to orgasm and politely swallowed the goods.

And then it was my turn. We lay on our backs on the bed, he with his arms around me working my nips while I jacked myself off. “It’s 10 weeks since I last came”, I told him; “what shall I do? Shall I cum, or go on for longer?”

“It’s up to you.”

As a chastity-focused sub, I normally hate it when a Dom wants me to make this choice. The whole point is to leave that in someone else’s hands, so to speak. But actually, I was ready; after 10 weeks that for other reasons had been tense and difficult, I was ready for release.

And so, I came. Enjoyably, quite fulsomely, but not exactly seismically. There’s a myth that the scale of a guy’s orgasm and ejaculation is directly proportional to the time elapsed since he last came; but it it doesn’t work that way – we’re human beings, not steam engines! This cum was satisfying enough, though; and afterwards I enjoyed what was perhaps the best part of the afternoon: sitting astride L on the bed I slowly massaged his back while we chatted away. Connection’s what sex is about. Of course. Always.

Driving home, I put the car radio on, wanting, with obvious trepidation, to catch up on what was going on in the war in the Ukraine. I learnt of the beginning of the siege of Mariupol, its people deprived of heat, water, sanitation, and under constant bombardment by the Russians. Just sickening. Since then, I’ve been unable to get back into any erotic head space. For how are fetish and fantasy imaginable in the face of such unspeakable reality, such actual cruelty and suffering?

My despondency will no doubt pass soon enough – inevitably far sooner than will the obscene reality out there. I sense my libido still murmuring away in the background. But, one week on, I still don’t really feel the sap rising. I’m in London at the moment, where there are certainly opportunities for horny encounters. But I’m not sure whether I’ll be putting my gear on and heading down to Backstreet like I normally would. My heart’s not in it. I feel more like weeping.

Chastity: who’s in charge?

Kudos to the Locked Doc for his recent post on “How to Own a Permanently Locked Sub” (complete with “second semester” sequel). The Doc writes passionately about gay male chastity from the sub’s perspective, explaining what he needs from his new Dom who’s not owned a locked sub before. The post had a lot of resonances – not only for me, but also for the likes of Thumper, another chastity stalwart on WordPress (you can read his response to the Doc’s post here.)

What chimes really strongly with me is the way both guys are upfront about the key truth of chastity (so to speak). Which is that, even though subs in long-term chastity of course long to cum, we really don’t want to cum. We want to be denied, if not permanently, then indefinitely. Where I differ a bit from the Doc and Thumper, is that for me the cock cage itself isn’t so totemic. Don’t get me wrong: I love my Holy Trainer v2t and wear it as often as I can. But Thumper and the Doc go further; they feel their cage as part of their bodies. But maybe the difference here is largely because my kink life runs underground of my domestic, vanilla one, which means I can’t cage myself 24/7 or physically hand the key over to a third party. If I did, I imagine I’d also become one with my cage. But things being the way they are, being locked for me is as much as anything mental. If a Dom tells me not to cum, I aim to obey, regardless of whether I’m caged or not; it’s part of my honour as a slave.

And that relates to another difference between my priorities and the Doc’s – which helps me understand my own journey a bit better. As far as I can tell from the Doc’s post, being permanently locked and cum denied is a non-negotiable requirement of his being anyone’s sub; the purpose of his post is to provide guidance for his Dom on the matter. Slightly cheekily, I might suggest this begs the question, Who’s In Charge? But as both the Doc and Thumper remind us, there is no one way to do chastity, and the main thing is for everyone in the deal to be happy.

As for my priorities, I wrote about these in a reflection on Surrender way back in 2014. My feelings then were not so much that I wanted (or required) to be kept in permanent chastity, but that I should surrender any choice about cumming – or indeed not cumming – to my Dom at the time. So if he wanted me never to cum under his ownership, that’s the way it would be; conversely if he wanted me to cum 10 times a day, I should honour that too. So I guess obedience to my Dom would be the higher ideal, trumping the chastity principle itself.

I learnt more about both of these things – cum denial and obedience – during the period I was Master CML’s online slave. Quite early on in my relationship with him, it became clear that an extended period of chastity for me was what both of us wanted. Five weeks in (approaching my previous six-week record), we were having a hot session on cam, my Master inflicting pain and edging me intensely. He’ll not let me cum, I thought; he’s going to make me lock up again soon; lock my cock away and keep me chaste for weeks longer. And I was kind of glad about that. But then came a moment of spontaneity:

“Boy”, he said …

“I think I want you to cum”.

There was a moment of hesitation. We were both thinking.

“Master, are you sure?”

Clearly, I wasn’t: I had gotten attached to staying chaste for a good bit longer yet.

“Yes, boy. Cum for me now.”

Who was I to deny him ? It didn’t take long for me to fulsomely deliver what he required. Afterwards, he asked me how I felt. “In one way, good”, I said; “obviously it’s great to get release. But I also feel a bit sad – I don’t feel like a slave any more.”

“Don’t worry, boy”, he replied, “it won’t take long to get back to feeling that way again”.

He was right of course. And I went on to sustain a four-month spell of chastity under his ownership – my longest ever. But I learnt in that moment that my obedience to him had to take priority over my own (selfish) wish to stay chaste. I regret now that I hesitated when he said he wanted me to cum – momentarily putting my desire above his. I guess a slave could rightly expect to be punished for that (though my Master didn’t punish me – not for that anyway!). I learnt something too from the subsequent, four-month period of chastity with him, and that was just how deeply my surrendering of my right to orgasm to him bonded me to him and solidified my own slave identity. Now I don’t get fazed by the idea of long-term or indefinite chastity (and have begun to learn to re-program my body to max out on pleasure in other ways).

Since I’m linking up with other folks’ experiences here, I should mention the story of Jack, who is now the live-in slave of Drew (of The Drew Duality) and his husband Axel. I have to say I was so turned on by Jack’s story of being offered – after a year being locked up – the choice of either cumming or continuing in his chaste state for another entire year. In the end, and probably inevitably, he took the latter option. It was perhaps an interesting mind fuck that he was asked to choose. For me, having a Master or Dom taking the decision (literally) out of my hands removes that particular agony.

I note that I embarked on my present chastity stint (I’m eight weeks in) on 22 December – around the time of the Winter Solstice. My fantasy about what happens next has three (well four) possible scenarios: (i) continue to the Spring Equinox (i.e. 3 months in chastity); (ii) continue to the Summer Solstice (6 months); or (iii) continue to the next Winter solstice (1 year). I would want to share this fantasy with a Dom or Master (till the end of Feb. I have an informal understanding with Master69), but I know I have no right to insist on it becoming reality; ultimately, it has to be the top’s call. So there’s also scenario (iv) just cum (only) when you’re told.

In one last shout out on the question of who’s (or what’s) in charge, there’s a young guy on Recon whose profile I sometimes look in on with envy. He obviously woke up to his kink self early and started living the life in his twenties and thirties; he seems to know exactly what he’s about and what he wants. For him too chastity is a big thing; his Recon profile tells that the longest he’s gone without cumming is about two and a half years. In a message exchange, I once asked him who decided that that particular chastity-o-thon would end, and why. He told me that his Master had decided it, because he (the Master) had realised that the idea of his sub not being allowed to cum had itself taken charge. So he exerted his authority over the situation, and made his boy cum. He saw that chastity can become an attachment that enslaves the Master as well as the slave.

Is any of us ever really in charge? Well, that’s a discussion for another post.

That guy in rubber

A couple of weeks ago I had a hot session on cam with a cute young guy, who eventually got himself rubbered up. When I told Master69 about it, he demanded to know more. Here’s what I wrote to him.

So I originally met the guy on Cam4 a couple of years ago – young, (20s I’d guess), fit, wearning a baseball cap and a black face covering (before it was de riguer under Covid) and a very fetching harness. I was kind of surprised when he asked me to cam with him on Skype (he seemed out of my league), so I was hesitant, but eventually let him persuade me, and joined him and another guy who was older, but clearly an experienced kinkster. Typically, I (or was it one of them?) had to go, so that session never got very far. I had a couple of similar experiences with the guy more recently, when it all seemed to be going well, but then he abruptly announced ‘gtg’.

But I’ve always kept him as a Skype contact, and periodically I send him a wave when I see him online – as yesterday. This time he seemed interested, and we chatted a bit first. He said he was happy just to continue with a chilled chat on cam ‘with our wangs out’. I explained to him my current locked situation, which didn’t faze him and which he was intrigued about. And also the fact that I, like he, have a non-kink partner. So we cammed.

He was very sexy: naked on the bed, with his ‘wang’ out, wanking, and wearing a harness type thing. He was relaxed about showing his face – he was handsome, lithe, horny, playful, but also chatty and with an understanding of kink and sub-dom stuff. He’s vers. but seemed quite happy to ease into a kind of dom role. We did some nip play – I showed him all the possibles in my bag and told him which were the most and least intense. It was fun working through those!

He had a curious, maybe capricious sense of time, and timing. At one point he suddenly said he might pop out to get some poppers. “But I’ve just lubed up this dildo like you asked me to” I said; “can we just do another 15 mins?”. He was fine about that, and encouraged me to slowly fuck myself with the now lubed up dildo. I was getting in heat by now. Then he suggested he might put his rubber gear on. “Yeah, do it”, i said. That meant a 10-15 minute break, during which time I cleaned up my dildo and got another one ready.

And then he returned to cam. He looked hot as fuck in his rubber outfit, with a black and red, footballer style too and all black leggings. He said he’d bought it second hand, but it could have been tailor made for him – it fitted so snugly round his bod (he said how much it made him sweat – so, hot in every sense). It had a detachable type of codpiece at the front, which he removed, to get back to work on his wang. Whereas in the previous part of the session, he’d spent most of the time lying on his bed, here he spent most of it standing; the angle of his cam meant it felt like I was looking up to him slightly – appropriate, since he’d got me to spend most the session on my knees (when not sitting on impaled on my dildo).

For part 2 of the session I worked myself with a different dildo – more of a butt plug which fits snugly in my ass; it’s smaller than the other one, but it rubs right on my G spot. I massaged it quite hard for him, and be loved seeing the resulting trail of pre-cum oozing freely from my cock cage. It was all incredibly arousing. At one point he noticed a change on what was leaking out of my cage. “Hey, are you cumming – you know that’s not allowed!”

“I’m not actually orgasming”, I replied. “But I think I could do if I kept going”. 

“No. Stop. You’ll be in trouble with your Dom.”

To be honest, I’m not quite sure what the rules are for this, but I stopped anyway (seems more in the spirit of it). I was touched that he was taking my chastity commitment seriously, even though he said he didn’t think it could be for him. He cums every day, sometimes after edging for the whole day (clearly this was one of those days). “Sometimes I know I should be getting on with useful stuff, but I just get so horny”, he told me. I empathised!

The session ended when he decided he needed some lunch – just like that! He has a young person’s energy. I don’t know whether there’ll ever be a repeat of the experience. He’ll probably move on to the next playmate. But it was so hot while it lasted. I came out of it feeling I’d actually had sex – which in a way I had; not just because of what we did but also because I sensed there was a connection there – if only for the moment. 

Sub-O toughens his nuts (Tales of Sub-O, No. 52)

Sub-O has a meet coming up soon with a Dom he’s already served a couple of times. This time he has some homework to do. “Toughen up your nuts”, the Dom has commanded him.

That figures. This Dom is very keen on CBT, and doesn’t stint on the B aspect. Although O isn’t totally lacking in experience in that department, and certainly has form as a pain slut, that particular part of his body hasn’t received a lot of attention in his own training. I mean, which guy isn’t squeamish about having that item of his anatomy abused? And it takes a particular kind of determination (or maybe perversity) to administer the abuse yourself.

As O has been finding: his earlier attempts were a bit half hearted, he had to admit to himself. But over the last couple of days he’s at last made some progress. How come? Well, as Mary Poppins once said, In every job that’s to be done there is an element of fun. So O’s got some hard dance music playing at high volume through the sound system and is sexing himself up, dancing naked except for his collar and cock cage. Robert Armani’s HIt Hard is the perfect track for his mood and needs (the clue is in the title). He lets the unremitting rhythms impose a percussive discipline his body. He keeps time with the gutsy beat and orchestrates the different sounds with assorted kinds of impact on his body. He matches a ride-cymbal riff with the same rhythm on his ass and thighs – hard enough to smart. Sometimes the music is baseless and floaty – a cue to caress his torso and stroke his ever hard-wired nips. Then the bass drum comes back in, hard – a call to show his own bass region some action: toughen those nuts, O, in time to the beat.

He makes himself do it. Before, without the music, he had to steel himself to strike down there, but now he lets the beat decide for him, and before he knows it he’s stuck into CBT at 120 bpm. At first he slaps his balls with his hand – not too hard, but just enough to make him wince. Then gradually, as his balls warm up, he gets used to the sensations and he’s able to take it a bit harder. And then a bit harder still. Oh, wow, it’s actually starting to feel good now. Those endorphins must be doing their stuff, O thinks to himself.

He’s starting to get high on the energy of the music and the rush of sensations up through his body. He wants more (push those fuckin limits O). He makes a fist, takes a breath and makes impact down below. Again he tries it not too hard to begin with, but surprises himself at how quickly he’s able to increase the force.

He keeps going like this till the end of the track, and then stops. He feels jangled but also exhilarated. He checks his nuts – a bit blue, but nothing that won’t mend in a day or so. “How crazy is this”, he thinks. Anyone from muggleworld watching this would probably be appalled at the obscene perversity of it. Ha, maybe they should give it a go, he muses. Yeah, maybe this is what kink’s about. Pushing beyond the limits of what normalsville permits as pleasurable. Pushing beyond his own limits. Pushing beyond into freedom and joy.

The choice (a Sub-O fantasy)

The session has lasted deep into the night and Sub-O has reached the edge of what he can endure. Sweat runs down his torso. He’s collared, caged and cuffed, practically suspended by his wrists from the ceiling of the Master’s dungeon; only his toes and the balls of his feet touch the floor. His elevated predicament has a conspicuous advantage for the Master. O’s ass is at the perfect height for penetration, and the Master has been working O what seems like forever. But now he pauses, his cock still deep inside. The Master too is on the brink. He stops to hold the moment – as if he were able to command time like he commands this sub boy, whom he means to make his slave before the night’s over. O surfaces momentarily out of his delirium. The air is hot and humid; he can smell the horniness, the sex; sense the flow of power from Dom to sub, two hearts pumping hard in two chests. Expectation saturates the atmosphere.

O is nearly out of his mind with the intensity of it all. His prostate has been pounded, pre-cum is leaking copiously from his chastity cage, his cock is straining mightily inside. He can’t take much more. “Please Master …”, he begs. There’s no need to spell out what he’s asking for, and how much he craves it – it’s clear from the broken tone of his voice.

The Master doesn’t answer. Not with words anyway. Instead he resumes slowly pushing his cock into O.

O lets out a deep moan. He pants, trying to catch his breath. “Master, please … please …”.

His voice tails off as he suddenly feels the Master’s hands on him. They slowly caress his flanks, moving upwards. “Ohhhh”, moans O.

This moment of tenderness catches him by surprise – and fucks his mind just as powerfully as what the Master’s doing to him down below. The Master’s hands move slowly over O’s chest, feeling his toned pecs; he gently thrusts again. Now his fingers hover over O’s nips; he feels O’s ass tighten round his cock in expectation. I have this boy just where I want him, he thinks. Once again he drives his cock into O and keeps it there.

Then, very very slowly, almost imperceptibly, he makes contact with the tips of O’s erect nipples, and begins to stroke them. O thinks he will burst with pleasure. He feels the trail of pre-cum running down his thigh. (What he can’t see is the small puddle of it that’s pooled on the floor.) He so wants release now.

He can feel the Master’s breath on the back of his neck. “Master ….” He tries again to beg, but the words won’t come. He simply can’t speak any more. He doesn’t need to. From now on he will just listen.

The Master leans in, and speaks quietly into O’s ear.

“O …”

The way the Master says his name makes O’s entrails shift. His voice is restrained, gentle even, but authoritative. It’s as if he is speaking straight to O’s soul, and knows him, knows what he really wants.

O feels himself surrender. All his muscles relax and he stops trying to resist the restraints. His ass relaxes too, and the Master pushes in further, the last millimetre of his erection now inside. The Master knows he is only a few strokes away from the inevitable. For O, though, the inevitable seems unattainable. He lets out a long deep moan and feels he’s on the edge of tears, though he can’t say whether they’re of joy or desperation.

“O”, the Master whispers even more softly into his ear. “You think you want to cum, but do you, really? Isn’t there some other part of yourself, your true slave self, that wants to stay in this place … this wonderful ecstatic place?

The Master continues to stroke O’s nips, allowing him no respite from the pleasure-torture.

“It’s your choice, O. If you ask me I can unlock your cock and give you the release you crave…”

O’s moans briefly stop. He is listening.

“… Or you can make a different choice. The one that will make you truly my slave. You can surrender your orgasm to me.”

The Master momentarily takes his hands off O’s body. O starts to take in what’s being proposed.

The Master resumes caressing his sub, running his hands down his his flanks, along his thighs, back up to his chest, his nipples.

“But know that if you choose this way my denial will be total. Being my slave will mean that you’ll never cum again by stimulating your cock. I might edge you mercilessly, but no orgasm that way. The only way you’ll get to cum is through this …” — he pushes his cock against O’s prostate — “or this” — he pinches O’s nipples hard. “You’ll have to learn to rewire your body into a true slave body, for your Master’s benefit.”

O gulps. There’s more.

“You will always be horny, O. Horny like this. No release. Always ready and willing to serve me, and to obey me. Like putty in my hands, the way you are now. Isn’t that what you really want?”

The Master takes his hands away again, anticipating O’s response. He doesn’t have long to wait.

O nods his head. Not vigorously, but unambiguously, just the once. It’s enough. His Master has seen through him and enslaved his mind. O knows it in every part of his body.

His Master knows it too, and turns to complete the transaction. He wraps his arms around O and thrusts his cock hard into his hole. Again. Again. Faster. Faster. O moans. They both moan. Louder and louder. Panting hard. “Oh Master …” O’s voice is different now, no longer pleading, but embracing what he’s become. He pushes his ass back to meet his Master’s thrusts. The sensations are overwhelming. O strains to cum and feels himself tantalisingly close. But it’s no good. No release for him – just like his Master told him it would be.

This is the new reality for O. His mind and ass are being fucked simultaneously. He is intensely aware of his Master finally shooting his load deep into him. It doesn’t matter that I’m not cumming, thinks O. My Master’s cumming – big time – and that’s enough.

He feels his Master’s orgasm flow into him, savours how intensely his Master feels the joy of release. That joy belongs to his Master, but it also brings him delight. He knows that soon his Master will release him from his restraints – but not his desire. His Master will, for now, be satiated, while he, O, will still be full of longing – longing for his Master and his power, longing to serve him again when he requires it. Till then, O must wait. But in his mind he’s already kneeling at his Master’s feet.