Skip navigation

tumblr_mzd5uqcuxm1qmsicmo1_500Having written tons about chastity on this blog, I’ve tried not to bang on about it too much lately. But I really can’t stop myself from sharing the fact that on Saturday 12 January 2019, I’ll have gone without a proper orgasm for 120 days – that’s 17 weeks and 1 day; or just over four months!

I couldn’t have done this without having a strict, horny master. Because I serve him online, he obviously hasn’t himself been there to keep me physically locked; and, because of my domestic situation, I can only wear my chasity device in the daytime. But he’s made sure my life as a slave has been horny and fulfilling enough to keep me on the chaste and narrow.

He’s done this through using me in hot sessions on Skype when he’s free, and by permitting sessions on Chaturbate (CB) with whomever when he’s not. The deal there is that I play with my cock caged, or – on occasions when I’m allowed to edge – with a strict embargo on cumming. And actually some of the horniest times have been when my Master’s in the room with me on CB, and I’ve been an object of discussion – naked, on my knees, collared, plugged and nipples clamped – between him and other guys in the room. I’ve tried to make sure my performance there as his owned slave cuts the mustard – as a boy who’s obedient, disciplined and horny.

After all this time, chastity now seems like my natural state of being. It used to be that I counted the days. Now I feel quite unfazed at agreeing to yet another week cum-denied. What’s another week, after all! I really do seem to be thinking in months now (a figure of six months as my next chastity period was floating in the air recently!). Like most chastity slaves, I’ll probably feel a bit sorry when the moment comes to cum – the end of something. But at the same time, it has to be about what my Master wants. So if that’s his wish, who am I to deny him in denying me any further denial?!

Meantime, in the lead up to that moment,  I’ll be in London next week, and no doubt on the hunt for some raunchy fun. But I’m to stay locked until the end of the week, so whatever I get up to, it will unquestionably be as a slave still in chastity. I love it!

 

Screenshot_2018-12-28 The Willy Gallery – Penis Picture Gallery TwoFor the first time in months, last night my bf and I had sex – kind of; with mixed results – and this has left me / us in a funny place. Even though I’d thought that I’d wanted to return to sexual relations more than he did, last night it was in fact he who initiated sex, he who got most satisfaction, and he who came. I’ll spare the details here, but the crucial thing for me was that I wasn’t able to get hard at all. Even so, I gave myself to him and tried to make sure he had as enjoyable a time as possible. It felt a bit like time travelling – to our earlier selves, when we were much more sexually active together. And afterwards it did feel intimate as I rubbed his cum into my torso (something I always loved to do) and we cuddled together somewhat sleeplessly.

But the elephant in the room was/is my flaccid cock. It’s true I’ve been experiencing mild erectile dysfunction for some time, but have usually managed to keep my cock serviceable by some permutation of a cock ring, manual stimulation or Viagra. And given that much of my BDSM life lately has involved pretty intense chastity (if not physically locked then mentally consenting to my Master’s denial), it’s not been a major issue. But last night, when I needed it to, my cock just didn’t co-operate at all, and I’m now mulling over what that means.

It could be that my bf and I have got so unused to having sex together that I need longer to tune in (typically, the whole thing was a bit fast and furious). So maybe one way forward here is to keep a sense of humour and keep trying.

It could also be that over recent years I’ve increasingly re-wired the sexual part of my brain so that I am, essentially – and maybe now only – a BDSM slave; so that this is my true nature, and there’s no going back; so that vanilla sex just doesn’t do it for me any more.

If it’s the second alternative, then the implications make me afraid. It would mean that my cock truly is my Master’s (for in his online presence, I do feel aroused), and no longer – even in principle – my bf’s. It would mean accepting that maybe my bf and I don’t have a functioning sexual relationship any more. And what then for the rest of our relationship? Is there enough to sustain a meaningful life together?

And it would mean that I’ve lost my ability to have vanilla sex more generally; that my sexuality has moved definitively outside the normal space of human erotic relationships based on love, to a space based primarily on power. It’s true, I’ve long recognised I do inhabit that second space, but I’d always thought I still also had a place in the first, more human one, too. Now I’m having to think again.

tumblr_nbv0ur5QVL1r4qwuxo1_500

I am missing my Master. He’s got busier lately, so I’ve been able to serve him less; and our chats, which have sometimes been quite extended, and fun, and horny, and with moments of authentic connection, have been noticeably less frequent. We had a horny cam session a week ago, and what sticks in my memory is not so much the raunchy physical abuse I was subjected to, but the last few seconds of the session, when, naked and on my knees in front of him, he still dressed (I love the unequal nudity thing), we just had a still, silent moment together, slave and Master. To me, such a moment of connection goes deep. It’s a bit spiritual – and in fact as horny as fuck. Just being there in my full slave being in front of him. What more can a slave want?

So his absence now (we’ve been in touch a bit this week, not least to play with my new Lovense Hush) also goes deep. I miss him, I miss him. At times I’ve thought that if things don’t pick up again soon, then maybe I’ll ask him to release me from his ownership and let me look somewhere else – or just go back to edging and cumming as a free submissive. But, to be honest, I don’t want another master. I will be patient and wait till he is ready for me. I am his slave.

serviceorientedsub:

It’s not about reminding HIM of ur obedience. It’s about accepting ur own need to live it and display it.

see the MEN i worship: http://serviceorientedsub.tumblr.com/

alphamalesuperiority:

Monthly tease and edging, then straight back into the cage.

I have a sense this is what my master has in store for me.

Tender intimacy – beautiful!

This little conversation with my Master yesterday says loads about how my attachment to him is getting deeper.

Because our relationship exists in parallel with my vanilla life, I can’t always wear my cock cage (but even when I don’t, there’s no handling my cock and no cumming). That’s the starting point of this exchange, but it ends somewhere else:

You caged now?

No, not caged.

Shame

Yea I know. Doesn’t feel right somehow.

Lol, I guess I’m deeply in your mind and messing with you all the time now.

You are. I seem to be your slave 24/7

You are – lol. Even if I’m offline, still you are.

You like that?

Yep.

Good. Because that’s how it is. Even offline I feel you in my horniness.

Can’t run away. Can’t hide..

Fuck yeah.

Fuck yeah.There’s no escaping it. He is there always in my mind now. Although I’ve enjoyed being an online slave before, here there’s a kind of emotional bond that’s new. “Don’t fall for me boy”, my Master once said to me, “remember you have a partner”. Well, I haven’t fallen for him, but it’s obvious now that I’m never not his slave. Dilemma.

penisowners:

OMG so beautiful.

Mmm, the picture speaks for itself!