It’s been sunny outside all day, yet all day I’ve been inside – not just inside the house, but inside myself, inhabiting my slave self, horny as horny can be. I’ve really gone into the darkness, ensconced behind the closed door of a windowless internal room, lights out, gasmask on, boxers over my head to ensure maximum sensory deprivation, loud, hard club music playing through the sound system. It’s dark, and I love it – arousing myself in every which way: edging, cbt, tt, fucking myself with a dildo, deep throating.
I’m so horny, I think I will burst. But some deep pervy part of my slave self won’t sanction jerking myself off to orgasm. It’s been over three weeks now, and I’m aching … not to cum, but for some action with an actual Dom or Master. But none will appear! Recon is silent, and none of the handful of online doms I sometimes sub for on cam is around or free.
This is hard. I know could exit this mental space – for a while – by just giving way and allowing myself one almighty hand job that would bring release and sanity again. But that would be too easy. It would be to shy away from the tough side of being a slave. So for now I resist, lock my cock back up, put my toys away, clean up, and return to the daylight. And I feel a bag of conflicted emotions. Guilt at wasting such a beautiful day. Energised by the pleasure that’s coursed through my body these last few hours. Frustrated by the seeming impossibility of actualising my slave self. Sanguine at the recognition that that is indeed what I am, and that sometimes it’s hard to be this way.
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