The choice (a Sub-O fantasy)

The session has lasted deep into the night and Sub-O has reached the edge of what he can endure. Sweat runs down his torso. He’s collared, caged and cuffed, practically suspended by his wrists from the ceiling of the Master’s dungeon; only his toes and the balls of his feet touch the floor. His elevated predicament has a conspicuous advantage for the Master. O’s ass is at the perfect height for penetration, and the Master has been working O what seems like forever. But now he pauses, his cock still deep inside. The Master too is on the brink. He stops to hold the moment – as if he were able to command time like he commands this sub boy, whom he means to make his slave before the night’s over. O surfaces momentarily out of his delirium. The air is hot and humid; he can smell the horniness, the sex; sense the flow of power from Dom to sub, two hearts pumping hard in two chests. Expectation saturates the atmosphere.

O is nearly out of his mind with the intensity of it all. His prostate has been pounded, pre-cum is leaking copiously from his chastity cage, his cock is straining mightily inside. He can’t take much more. “Please Master …”, he begs. There’s no need to spell out what he’s asking for, and how much he craves it – it’s clear from the broken tone of his voice.

The Master doesn’t answer. Not with words anyway. Instead he resumes slowly pushing his cock into O.

O lets out a deep moan. He pants, trying to catch his breath. “Master, please … please …”.

His voice tails off as he suddenly feels the Master’s hands on him. They slowly caress his flanks, moving upwards. “Ohhhh”, moans O.

This moment of tenderness catches him by surprise – and fucks his mind just as powerfully as what the Master’s doing to him down below. The Master’s hands move slowly over O’s chest, feeling his toned pecs; he gently thrusts again. Now his fingers hover over O’s nips; he feels O’s ass tighten round his cock in expectation. I have this boy just where I want him, he thinks. Once again he drives his cock into O and keeps it there.

Then, very very slowly, almost imperceptibly, he makes contact with the tips of O’s erect nipples, and begins to stroke them. O thinks he will burst with pleasure. He feels the trail of pre-cum running down his thigh. (What he can’t see is the small puddle of it that’s pooled on the floor.) He so wants release now.

He can feel the Master’s breath on the back of his neck. “Master ….” He tries again to beg, but the words won’t come. He simply can’t speak any more. He doesn’t need to. From now on he will just listen.

The Master leans in, and speaks quietly into O’s ear.

“O …”

The way the Master says his name makes O’s entrails shift. His voice is restrained, gentle even, but authoritative. It’s as if he is speaking straight to O’s soul, and knows him, knows what he really wants.

O feels himself surrender. All his muscles relax and he stops trying to resist the restraints. His ass relaxes too, and the Master pushes in further, the last millimetre of his erection now inside. The Master knows he is only a few strokes away from the inevitable. For O, though, the inevitable seems unattainable. He lets out a long deep moan and feels he’s on the edge of tears, though he can’t say whether they’re of joy or desperation.

“O”, the Master whispers even more softly into his ear. “You think you want to cum, but do you, really? Isn’t there some other part of yourself, your true slave self, that wants to stay in this place … this wonderful ecstatic place?

The Master continues to stroke O’s nips, allowing him no respite from the pleasure-torture.

“It’s your choice, O. If you ask me I can unlock your cock and give you the release you crave…”

O’s moans briefly stop. He is listening.

“… Or you can make a different choice. The one that will make you truly my slave. You can surrender your orgasm to me.”

The Master momentarily takes his hands off O’s body. O starts to take in what’s being proposed.

The Master resumes caressing his sub, running his hands down his his flanks, along his thighs, back up to his chest, his nipples.

“But know that if you choose this way my denial will be total. Being my slave will mean that you’ll never cum again by stimulating your cock. I might edge you mercilessly, but no orgasm that way. The only way you’ll get to cum is through this …” — he pushes his cock against O’s prostate — “or this” — he pinches O’s nipples hard. “You’ll have to learn to rewire your body into a true slave body, for your Master’s benefit.”

O gulps. There’s more.

“You will always be horny, O. Horny like this. No release. Always ready and willing to serve me, and to obey me. Like putty in my hands, the way you are now. Isn’t that what you really want?”

The Master takes his hands away again, anticipating O’s response. He doesn’t have long to wait.

O nods his head. Not vigorously, but unambiguously, just the once. It’s enough. His Master has seen through him and enslaved his mind. O knows it in every part of his body.

His Master knows it too, and turns to complete the transaction. He wraps his arms around O and thrusts his cock hard into his hole. Again. Again. Faster. Faster. O moans. They both moan. Louder and louder. Panting hard. “Oh Master …” O’s voice is different now, no longer pleading, but embracing what he’s become. He pushes his ass back to meet his Master’s thrusts. The sensations are overwhelming. O strains to cum and feels himself tantalisingly close. But it’s no good. No release for him – just like his Master told him it would be.

This is the new reality for O. His mind and ass are being fucked simultaneously. He is intensely aware of his Master finally shooting his load deep into him. It doesn’t matter that I’m not cumming, thinks O. My Master’s cumming – big time – and that’s enough.

He feels his Master’s orgasm flow into him, savours how intensely his Master feels the joy of release. That joy belongs to his Master, but it also brings him delight. He knows that soon his Master will release him from his restraints – but not his desire. His Master will, for now, be satiated, while he, O, will still be full of longing – longing for his Master and his power, longing to serve him again when he requires it. Till then, O must wait. But in his mind he’s already kneeling at his Master’s feet.

Don’t give way!

Without really intending to, I seem to have emabarked on another stint of long-term chastity. It’s now been five weeks, and of course I’m raging with horniness. Factor into this the reappearance of an old online master whose essential principle is that a sub-boy should be in a permanent state of arousal, and you can see why this is now turning into a period of some intensity.

Prior to all this, I’d already had a few email exchanges with Master69 (as I used to call him on here in the period when he dommed me). But then, probably after reading my last post, he wrote offering to take me on again online for a while. What that means is still evolving. Whereas last time round, in the twenty-teens, we soon reached quite a strict and formalised agreement – complete with slave contract and a commitment to online ownhership – now, a few years on, though still only a few days in, it all seems more fluid. We seem to have an intuitive understanding of what the roles are and what kinds of behaviour and demands are appropriate. Master69’s main requirements are for me to produce a daily report, write him erotic stories (I sense one is going to appear on here quite soon), and make an inviolable commitment to not cumming. In some ways, his role feels more like a coach on whatever stage of my sub-odyssey this now is. Last time, I learnt a great deal from him about being a sub/slave. This time, I sense there’s more to come.

One of the things that’s surfaced in our communications has been the idea of mind fucking. And chastity is one of the things Master69 is using to mind-fuck me with. There’s the obvious mind fuck of chastity – that the slave desires the frustation of his own desire to cum. This I’ve learnt to handle and savour over the years. So when Master69 adds another 30 days to my potential cum date, bringing the target to 60 (sometime later in February), I don’t feel fazed. I could just relax into that timescale, knowing when and how it will end. But then there are a couple of further mind-fucking twists. One: that this is the earliest date I might expect to cum (it could well be extended). Two (and somewhat contradictorily): that my master reserves the right to order me to cum at any time and in any way he requires. Consenting to this means that I can look forward to neither cumming nor not cumming: there’s no ground on which my desires can stand. It’s all so disorientating, but, hey, a mind fuck is still a fuck.

Looking back through this blog and through the backstory of my online correspondence with Master69, I read time and again of a highly sexed-up slave boi who can’t stop thinking about and looking for sex, especially BDSM sex – and occasionally finding it in the flesh (did I mention L? That’s another encounter to post about sometime). In some ways I’m apalled at my own readiness to fall in with desire to the point where I can hardly think straight, or where I take time away from doing other, on the face of it more wholesome things. More seriously still, I don’t like the fact that I’ve kept so much of my BDSM life (or at least the detail of it) secret from my partner. Even though he knows I have these inclinations, and is kind of OK about me acting on them, it’s the sheer extent and depth of them that he might be dismayed at (my love, if ever you read this, forgive me).

In the light of all of this, I could be tempted – once again – to pull the plug on it all; to break out of chastity, cum regularly, become ‘normal’ again, take down my Recon profile again etc. etc. You’ll see from this, I’ve done it before. But this time there’s a voice in my head that says Don’t GIve Way; hold fast to your desires. This means enduring both the joy and torment – in the hope of what? In the hope that something might emerge from it – perhaps a deeper ownership of who I am, and of my carnality and physicality. Already I feel a bit different. I’ve returned to swimming with greater energy, and in the last two days have clocked up 50 lengths, where I used to do just 30-odd. And I’ve found myself beginning to desire my partner again, to enjoy looking at him and feeling the contours of his body, to savour the smoothness of his skin.

TIme will tell. I may cave in. The pack of cards may get reshuffled. But for now I choose to continue inhabiting my desire.

Sometimes it’s hard to be a slave

It’s been sunny outside all day, yet all day I’ve been inside – not just inside the house, but inside myself, inhabiting my slave self, horny as horny can be. I’ve really gone into the darkness, ensconced behind the closed door of a windowless internal room, lights out, gasmask on, boxers over my head to ensure maximum sensory deprivation, loud, hard club music playing through the sound system. It’s dark, and I love it – arousing myself in every which way: edging, cbt, tt, fucking myself with a dildo, deep throating.

I’m so horny, I think I will burst. But some deep pervy part of my slave self won’t sanction jerking myself off to orgasm. It’s been over three weeks now, and I’m aching … not to cum, but for some action with an actual Dom or Master. But none will appear! Recon is silent, and none of the handful of online doms I sometimes sub for on cam is around or free.

This is hard. I know could exit this mental space – for a while – by just giving way and allowing myself one almighty hand job that would bring release and sanity again. But that would be too easy. It would be to shy away from the tough side of being a slave. So for now I resist, lock my cock back up, put my toys away, clean up, and return to the daylight. And I feel a bag of conflicted emotions. Guilt at wasting such a beautiful day. Energised by the pleasure that’s coursed through my body these last few hours. Frustrated by the seeming impossibility of actualising my slave self. Sanguine at the recognition that that is indeed what I am, and that sometimes it’s hard to be this way.