Topping times

This last week I have inadvertently become an online Top! OK, so this has happened me before – just once, and not all that intensely. But this time has been different: with a guy, K, who, although describing himself as versatile on his web profile, is probably more of a Dom (and by the looks of it quite an aggressive one). So in the first few online exchanges we had, the play was basically what you’d expect – me the sub being very subby, and giving a very big come on for a scene being dominated.

But at some point quite early on, the dynamic changed. K was I think having fun edging himself and somehow – picking up on just the merest bit of Dom playfulness from me – he ended up getting me take to take charge. I think we both thought this might go on just for that day, but in fact for the best part of a week now we’ve both gotten seriously into our unexpectedly reversed roles.

I’ve always thought that if ever I did get into topping other guys I’d probably be a pretty demanding Master – since that’s the kind of top I look for as a sub. But I’ve still been surprised at the extent of my own dom-ness. All week I have had K edge himself relentlessy, and have repeatedly denied him orgasm. For a guy who likes to cum at least twice a day – and more when he’s home alone – this must have been hell. But what’s been touching is the way that he’s taken it – as well as some of the other stuff I’ve meted out on him online (which, even more humiliatingly for him, a top in his own right, he’s had to inflict on himself). We’ve also worked up some pretty hot fantasy scenes in our exchanges – if only we had a place we could both meet to do all this in the flesh!

But we’ve both enjoyed it hugely, and despite the fact that none of this, alas, has taken place face to face, we seem to have developed a strong connection. To the extent that sex is in the head, I feel we’ve actually been having a week long sub-Dom session, and an intense one at that. We’ve neither of us cum the entire time. Him because that’s what I require. Me because that’s what I choose. So we’re both on the roof with horniness.

And something odd seems to have happened to me. The constant horny feedback, and the sheer pleasure of it all and of K’s responsiveness, has started to rewire my brain. Little by little, my sub-boi has turned me into a Master!

I don’t see this as a permanent shift, but it’s been good for me I think. Perhaps what really matters in a sub-Dom relationship is that the two parties between them create a buzzing axis of power and Eros. In one sense maybe it doesn’t matter which pole you’re creating the energy from: so long as both are putting energy in, the energy flows constantly back and forth, and builds. But having to top has drawn out of me a more active ‘Yang’ type energy, which I haven’t exercised for a long time; perhaps I’ve been in deep sub mode for so long that I’ve got a bit lazy. And as an interesting by-product my sexual feelings for my bf feel like their also beginning to grow again.

So I see this as all good – another part of a necessary journey. But now here’s a funny thing. K and I are due to switch roles tomorrow. (I was minded to do it sooner, but he persuaded me a couple of days to keep going a bit longer; maybe he’s a power bottom!). But the bizarre thing is, I can’t right here and now imagine myself subbing for him any more. The connection we’ve developed has been really strongly based on the roles as they’ve been this week, and I’m no longer sure of whether I can find my way back into sub space. And maybe the same goes for him, only the other way round.

Anyway, tonight I will still have one final piece of masterly satisfaction. K is finally going to be allowed to cum – but my way. I have left him detailed instructions about how he’s to carry out the grand climax to this week of orgasm denial. In essence he is to have a spoiled orgasm. Even as he cums then, he will cum as a sub boi: denied his full measure of pleasure. In my final gift to him as his Master I am going to tenderly fuck his mind.