Over the years, I’ve come to realise that my slave-being is profoudly cyclic. Looking back at a post I wrote nearly a year ago, I see myself right now going through the same transformation from orgasmic sub-slut to orgasm-denying slave. Now, as then, this seems to be the result of a seasonal pattern, where, over the Christmas and New Year holiday period I end up not cumming for a week or more. As I’ve learnt so many times, that’s just how long it takes for my body chemistry to get backed up with testosterone. All horned up, I just want to stay that way, and actively crave being cum denied. Hey presto, I’m back into slave mode!
A random look further back through this blog shows this can happen at any time of the year, for example, as described here. Sadly I have no former master around to re-enslave me at the moment. But chatting online with a Dom I sometimes do ad hoc sessions with, he offered to support me in my wish to go for a month in chastity. Check in with me every day at 10 am, he said, to confirm you haven’t cum. Which I do. Today’s day 13, if you want to know. It’s also the first time I’ll have been home alone for nearly a fortnight. So I anticipate an intense auto-erotic session, cock locked, but with all other available means of stimulation applied.
My ultimately fantasy when I’m in this state, is that of Sub-O in the story I wrote around this time last year. My body, like his in the story, just throbs with the desire to be slave, and to stay that way. It’s like a metamorphosis from being a regular human being into something else, some other avatar of myself. I know I’m unlikely to stay there. Being this way is just too much without the Master that O has in the story, and that’s not going to happen for me, unless I were to leave my non-kinky partner, who I love. But for a while I’ll relish inhabiting my slave avatar.
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3 Comments
Hi! I discovered your blog and I find your testimonials very interesting. For a long time, I have had a terrible desire to be submissive during sex. Unfortunately, it’s not to my boyfriend’s taste, so I just fantasize. For some time, I have been exploring this area on the internet, and I wonder if I would like to be a slave, because I don’t want to be chaste, I jerk off at least once a day when I’m not fucking!
Tell me, the little chastity “cage” that you wear on your tail, doesn’t it hurt when you have a hard-on?
Hi Jay. Glad you find the blog interesting. Being a slave doesn’t necessarily mean being in chastity. It’s just that for me (and I think for a lot of guys who feel themselves submissive) the two things kind of go together. It didn’t start that way for me, but if ever I had a Master, I would offer that denial to him if he required it – and find it a huge turn on. The cage doesn’t exactly hurt when you get hard, but you can feel the strain and pressure – which is what makes it so hot.
Thank you for your very enlightening answers!
In fact, what would turn me on would be to be sexually submissive, tied up, and even having my controlling partner control my ejaculations. But I don’t know if I would have the soul of a slave.
I will continue to follow your blog. This may help me discover and better understand this aspect of my desires…
Sincerely